But not mexican. Hand it a taco and we’re good.

“…Sacrifices must be made in pursuit of a dream…”

I once said that when I gave up one of the most important things in my life: my job. Though I felt bad about it, I lifted my head high and moved onward with my life, pursuing my happiness. More than a month later, here I am, still pursuing my happiness, and back at square one. The sacrifices I had made pursuing my happiness and my dream had all seem in vain. Here I am, on the verge of collapse, not only because of my failure, but also of my shame. Too many people have also sacrificed much of their time and resources for me. Maybe I should revise what I said earlier:

“…Sacrifices must be made in pursuit of a dream…”

into:

“…SOME PEOPLE MUST SACRIFICE in pursuit of MY DREAM…”

I once thought of giving up, the coward in me saying that my dream is way out of my reach, that it would be better of to go back to the way everything was. Ironically, it is because of my shame and cowardice that I force myself to move on and pursue that dream. So may people have sacrificed for me, and I cannot let those sacrifices be in vain, too. I know in time, I will be able to repay them for all the things they have given up for me.

To the people I have disturbed and to the people who have sacrificed much for me, thank you so much. Please bear with me for a little longer. I will repay double of what I owe to you.

typing this entry while tears are falling on the keyboard… emo much… ewwww…

i-am-wonderstruck:

(Source: justmyair)

why is is that the things that hurt me most are those that cannot harm me physically..? i can bear being knocked, cut, scratched, hell, even bitten… i can still smile at those things despite the pain… but, damn, say something to me and i get affected, really badly… my physical tolerance may be high, but my emotional one is just plain crap… call me onion-skinned, call me emo, call me dramatic, call me OA, i accept that… because that is what I am, and I cannot change that… in the company of these people who I call friends, I can wear that old mask, the one with the perpetual smile… but when it comes to you, my mask falls off, and I become vulnerable… I thought I can take it whenever you talk about them, but I realize that I can’t… knowing about your past, about the people you loved before me, I realize they’re in a different level from mine… I’m sorry, but I can’t help but compare… just who am I when compared to them… I am nothing… sometimes I wish that we never drifted apart, that I should have been the one you fell in love with from the start… I may be selfish, but please let me be like this for now… this is just wishful thinking… the past is over, what is important is the present… but why is it that your past still affects me till now… even though i wasn’t a part of that past, thinking that you spent years with someone else, it hurts me like hell… i’m sorry for being irrational and selfish… but what hurt me most is the thought that you have not forgotten them, that they will always remain a part of who you are… i know you meant nothing bad about that, but it was those words that stabbed me like a knife… and a big knife at that… <sigh> how many times have i looked at photos from your past, wishing I was there beside you, wishing that instead of him, it was me… how many times have I woken up in the middle of the night because I dreamed you were in the arms of someone else, that you were kissing someone else…

I’m sorry for this, I know you meant nothing bad when you talked about your past… I just didn’t realize it would hurt me as much as it does now… but I cannot do anything about it now, other than embracing the pain, and think about what I can do to make you forget about them, and to love you the way you deserve to be loved… to love you like they have never done in the past… i love you, and that will never change… i just need some time to take this all in, and to let it all out…

onefreaklover:

itsapandamadness:

I pretended that tic-tacs were pills/drugs.

Or that wafer sticks were cigarettes…

Gatorade was vodka/alcohol….

Or that grape juice was red wine…

I was just that badass.

(Source: pandamoniumadness)